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[sunnydalealum]

It's early January, and warm for this time of year in these latitudes.

Wells is inside the building, in one of the interminable Council meetings.

Spoon is outdoors, which is probably better for everyone.

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[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

Spoon is keeping an eye, ear, and nose out for anyone who needs to talk.

Or, for that matter, anyone who needs to avoid him. He was sort of. Kind of. Really very.

Yes.

He's on alert, looking.

[sunnydalealum]

There are a few Slayers on the set of stone stairs not far away, sitting on their coats to ward off the chill; it may be warm for January, but the stone's still cold.

They've seen him, and one raises a hand in greeting, but doesn't beckon him over.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He raises his hand in return, nodding.

His hair is beaded, but the braids are pulled back into a bun (he had to get help to figure out how you do that) and not obvious. It's what he can do, right now.

Fudge wouldn't have been appropriate. He didn't bring any.

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There may be a familiar scent, further along. Relatively fresh.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

Spoon closes his eyes to take the scent in better, sifting through it.

She's miserable. If he can't help, he'll leave again. But she's his favorite, has been from the very first time he showed up and she was all indignant on his behalf, so he can no more not offer his time than he can avoid shifting on the moon.

When he settles down in the overgrown area near her his voice is quiet, "Hallo, Jordie."

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She's been found here before. That very day, in fact.

It's not a place to hide. It's just a place to be alone.

"Hey."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

She's not canine, so he doesn't shoulder-bump her. She's not Cora, Ace, or Annie so he doesn't drag her into his lap and stick his nose in her hair. But she's Jordie, so he puts an arm around her shoulders and tucks her head against his shoulder.

He doesn't know what to say.

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The rosemary bush rustles loudly as Jordie turns to bury her face in his shoulder.

Her shoulders, under his arm, are shaking.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"Ah, Jordie." Spoon's voice is gentle - he can do gentle, too, "Let it out, luv. Let it out. No shame in tears."

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A choked sob, and then she's crying. Near-silently.

Dry rosemary needles are falling all around them.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

Spoon turns so that she's got a better surface to cry on, and so that he can pat her back gently. He's not going to move again until she's done crying. "It's alright, Jordie." he assures her, "No shame, I cry for her too."

He has. He's not right now because he's got more experience keeping it in, but he's cried for Kennedy and will do so again.

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After a time her tears subside, and she draws in a sobbing sniff and awkwardly tries to pull herself back to a sitting position.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He lets go as soon as she pulls back, and offers her a tissue. His pockets are not Ace or Axel's pockets, but he tries to keep them loaded up with useful things.

Right now, tissues are high on the list.

[sunnydalealum]

Her eyes are averted, and it's a moment before she sees the tissue. When she does, she takes it with a mumbled "Thanks,", and blots her eyes with it.

Her face is flushed; the tip of one ear, just visible through her green-streaked hair, is deep scarlet.

(It's not entirely from crying.)

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

There is no sane way of dealing with the not-entirely part of that scarlet except ignoring it. Every now and then he manages something sane. (This may be pushing his quota.)

"You're welcome." he says quietly.

[sunnydalealum]

Jordie draws her knees up and wraps her arms around them, then swipes at her face with the back of one hand.

"'Re you okay?"

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"Not really." Spoon admits, "Did things I wish I hadn't, lost things I wish I'd kept. But I'll get there. Da'...Sarge...said that now I've seen meself fall. I know where the line is. Got to not do that again."

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She looks at him in uneasy concern.

"You saved me, you know," she says. "Least once."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"'Course I did." Spoon says, blinking at her, "That I'd do again. Got no shame over doing that. It's the curse, luv. That part of being a werewolf that da' doesn't know...not like I do. The desire to eat what I killed. The point where I was hurting people instead of just killing them. That's what I'm ashamed of.

"Not of saving you."

[sunnydalealum]

Jordie bites her lower lip, and nods.

"I hate them," she mutters, low and thick. "I hate them so much."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

Spoon leans on her, just a little. It's the same way that canines do, to support the pack member who is hurt and needs extra warmth in the winter cold. "It's a hard emotion, it is. Hatred. Eats us up inside. Man named Hazrat Inayat Khan wrote a book called Spiritual Dimensions of Psychology. He said, in it, The sage said, "The best thing is not to hate anyone, only to love. That is the only way out of it. As soon as you have forgiven those whom you hate, you have gotten rid of them. Then you have no reason to hate them; you just forget.

"Don't expect you to be there, just yet. It's too raw, too new. But those girls, they hate us too. Probably more. We killed more people than they did...it just doesn't affect us as much because we love Kennedy, and we didn't love the people we killed. Not as people."

Spoon loved them all as opponents. As targets. As prey.

[sunnydalealum]

Abruptly harsh: "We wouldn't have had to kill any of them if they hadn't started it. If they weren't trying to kill all of us. If they hadn't sent Beth here to steal the Scythe --"

There's venom in her voice, bright and corrosive, when she says Beth's name.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"You're right." Spoon says quietly, "We wouldn't have. They started it. Does it mean that their pain doesn't matter?" Spoon's religious nature is peeking out, yes. "They started it, and we needed to do what we did. But we ended lives, luv, and if we don't accept that...it's an easy route to being a monster." Trust me, is the canine that goes along with that, I've come back from it twice "And it's a hell of a lot harder to come out of it. Don't waste your time hating, Jordie. Grieve instead. It's healthier."

[sunnydalealum]

She blinks down at the ground, tears in her eyes again.

"Kennedy wouldn't cry."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"Kennedy wouldn't show she cried." Spoon argues, softly, "I cry. Da' cries. Faith cries. Just a question of where and with who."