(no subject)

[sunnydalealum]

There aren't any guards posted outside the doors of these rooms, just a single sentry at the end of the hall, and the doors themselves aren't locked. The three young women in the rooms are in a position somewhere between house arrest and honorable parole.

Jordie's in the second room on the right.

Comments

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

Spoon knocks on the door, and then enters.

He's not sure what to say, not really.

[sunnydalealum]

Jordie's perched on the windowsill, looking up to see who's coming in.

At the sight of Spoon she goes pale, then flushes, and scrambles to her feet.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

Spoon's mouth opens, and closes, several times. Eventually he says, "Could've died."

[sunnydalealum]

It's about the last thing she expected him to say.

"...What?"

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"You could've died." Personal pronouns are one of the last things he got back, language-wise, and he has to work on them when he's stressed.. This counts.

"Could've died, an' I wouldn't have known why. Just. Wouldn't be Jordie. No more calls, or letters, or shite. Empty. Wouldn't even have known was right to mourn."

[sunnydalealum]

"I -- what. No. It wasn't dangerous -- it wasn't supposed to be dangerous, not like that --"

This is not the conversation with Spoon that she's been dreading.

Maybe it's going to be worse.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"Was just supposed to be a training exercise, got me this." he touches his left arm, still watching her with wide, pale eyes, "Could've died. An' for what? Did it bring Kennedy back? She alive again? Anybody on Earth happier now?

"You've got to stay in here for now. An' I have to see you like this."

[sunnydalealum]

"She's going to get justice," Jordie flares, her fists clenching at her sides. "They stopped me from killing Beth but at least they arrested her too, and Kennedy's going to get some kind of justice. And that's worth it."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"Kennedy is dead." he says quietly, "Kennedy is past all this. You want vengeance. An' thing about vengeance is where do you stop? She got Kennedy killed, so you're gonna kill her, an' then her friends come for you, an' it grows. What happens to the rest of us? What happens when someone chases down your friends 'cause they can't get to you, an' goes after me daughters?

"There's a difference between hunting an' killing. People out for revenge..." he's sad, looking at her. Just sad, "They don't stop for anything, do they? They don't think about all the ripples that they're going to leave.

"I wanted better for you, lass."

[sunnydalealum]

All the color drains out of her face at the word daughters.



"I," she manages, and "I didn't," and her throat closes.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He's pacing, because the tiny room is like a cell and Spoon doesn't do well locked up. Not even years later. "Y'family. Don't even know you're a Slayer, do they? Going to be ready if sommat comes after you for revenge? I am not defending her. Wouldn't ever. Wouldn't mind if she was miserable every damn day of the rest of her life.

"But I love you. You're me Jordie, me favourite Slayer, and always have been, an' you're letting her eat you up. She's already been more important than being a Slayer, how much more of your life are you going to let her take away, if this thing doesn't go how you want?"

[sunnydalealum]

Tears are starting to well up and spill over, and she can't stop them.

(Of all the things he's saying, it's I love you that hit hardest.)

"It isn't like that," she manages, her voice unsteady.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"What's it like, then?" he asks, helplessly, "How d' you justify running off like that, an' lying to us, an' hunting her down to kill her?"

[sunnydalealum]

"I shouldn't have had to run off," she says, and her voice still wobbles but it's getting stronger. "The Council should have sent somebody. Me, anybody. I had to do this because nobody in charge would. Because we trusted her and she betrayed us and got some of us killed, and nobody cared that she was just going to walk away --"

She swallows, and it hurts her throat.

"You didn't even care."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He's right there, just like that, and his voice is low and dark, "Could have bloody eaten her for what she did." he growls, a real growl, a werewolf growl, "Couldn't be the one sent out, because I cannot control meself."

[sunnydalealum]

Jordie flinches back, hard, stumbling back a step. She's stricken by what he's saying, but it's more than that.

She's never been scared of Spoon before, and the fear's sudden and sharp enough to very nearly overwhelm her other involuntary reaction to his closeness.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He scents all of it, and will be properly freaked out later. For the moment he backs up and paws at his nose to get the sweet, sweet scent of fear out of it.

[sunnydalealum]

She works to slow her breathing, blinks the blur out of her eyes (sweat or tears, it hardly makes a difference).

"I can," is what she finally says.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"Just proved other." Spoon says simply, "Ran off on your own."

[sunnydalealum]

"I disobeyed orders," she says stiffly. "That doesn't mean I wasn't in control. I organized the whole thing."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He runs a hand over his hair, taking comfort in the clatter of beads, and says; "Orders matter in life. How can t' other girls trust you, knowing that you don't follow orders you don't like?"

[sunnydalealum]

Still stiff: "They did trust me. And I told them I'd take full responsibility. You can't obey orders when you know they're wrong."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

"You can't promise the ones who followed you that you'll get full responsibility." Spoon says quietly, "An', yes. Sometimes you obey the orders that are wrong, if the other option is to be more wrong. How many people died because you weren't protecting your cities?"

He says it like he knows there is a body count. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't, he doesn't know. He's a grunt werewolf who doesn't really give a shit about the Council except in that he loves kids and adores Harry, so Harry's girls get all the weapons he can bring.

But people could die. Otherwise there wouldn't have ever been a Slayer made.

[sunnydalealum]

"We were gone for two and a half days," she says, and this time there's sharp defensiveness in her voice. "That's less time than they gave me to go home for Thanksgiving weekend, for god's sake."

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

A certain amount of chill enters his eyes at her curse, "I thank you not to take His name in vain." Spoon says very quietly, "You may not be one, but I'm a believer.

"You were gone for two an' a half days. Anything could have happened in those two and a half days, and you would not have been where people expected you. Perhaps nothing went wrong, I don't know. They don't tell me shite like that.

"Guess none of that matters, though. Got yourself wrapped up in self-righteousness. Only thing in your world matters anymore is Beth, innit? Certainly not those of us who care about you."

He can't take it anymore, and turns for the door. He's not angry, not really. He's sad because as far as he can tell she's wrapped herself up in hatred so tight that nothing at all will ever get through to her, and that hurts.

She's still his favourite.

(He thinks, in a slightly hysterical way, that this may be how Obi-Wan felt about Anakin when he started showing what Yoda warned about. He prays, much more seriously, that Jordie won't end up as a Sith.)

[sunnydalealum]

Just before he reaches the door: "I didn't use the wristblades."

It's abrupt, and shaky, and sounds close to tears.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He pauses, with one hand on the door frame, and then turns back, "Thank you." his voice is soft, gentle, "An' I still love you, Jordie. Still me favourite. Just - think you have a lot of growing up that we stole from you. So you're having to learn things the hard way instead.

"Sorry for that."

[sunnydalealum]

Red floods Jordie's face, anger and shame and frustration and humiliation all blended together, and she twists her head aside and down.

Just a kid, that's what he thinks. Irresponsible. Wrapped up in self-righteousness. Nothing but a disappointment. Or an embarrassment --

He kissed me back, that last time. He did --

So what? You knew that was goodbye. Nothing's changed.

The tears are back, but this time she turns her back before he can see them fall.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He's not human. Never will be again. He moves towards her and presses her head against his shoulder. He can no more not try to comfort her than he can not smell her sorrow.

"Think you did a bad thing, lass." gruff, but honest, "But don't think you're a bad person. You can grow past it. Not the end of the world this time."

[sunnydalealum]

She wants to lean into him, bury her face in his shirt and bawl; she wants to pull away and move to the window, keep her back to him, stay silent and cold.

A shudder passes through her, and she doesn't move at all.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He keeps, ever so gently, petting her shoulders. Lecture time is, at least for now, over.

[sunnydalealum]

"You should go."

It comes out unsteady and strained and not as loud as she'd like, barely a squeak ... but it comes out.

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

Spoon nods and lets go of her.

"Be at your trial if they let me." he says quietly.

[sunnydalealum]

Her shoulders jerk at the word trial, but she nods. Silently.

(She has to admit it now, to herself if nobody else: she's scared.)

[there-is-a-me.livejournal.com]

He brushes his hand across her hair and heads out, not stopping this time.